Entertainment

The #1 Way To Tell If He’s Sorry

/ Korbi Kay / 2 Comments

Or if he’s just telling you what he thinks you want to hear…

If he’s really sorry, he’ll send delivery food.

Not all men are linguistically savvy (see previous post), but those who possess verbal caress may not necessarily be of higher caliber than those who don’t. Provide the opportunity for them to prove themselves.

In fact, a distinct characteristic of a fboy (/fgirl; I only speak from my own heterosexual experience, so I apologize for my limited perspective…thus far) is that their comments and behaviors emanate entirely from attempting to persuade a target to sleep with them–without disclosing the intent for a casual fling.

This (fboys vs. players vs. nice guys vs. “covert contracts”), warrants a separate blog post.

Actions speak louder than words. It’s easy for him to simply say, “I’m sorry”…but it’s a little harder for him to put his money where his mouth is.

If he’s genuinely remorseful and not just lazily trying to creep back in your pants, he’ll go the extra mile–or at least pay UberEats to do so. Feasts delivered to your doorstep are the new flowers, but significantly more practical.

It’s that simple. For both you and for him. He clears his conscience–and yes, by accepting his delivery apology, you can now NEVER mention this incident ever again. It’s a small price to pay for getting fed from the comfort of your home, in your sweatpants (not the aforementioned gray ones), without even having to blend your eyeshadow.

If he doesn’t send delivery, then he’s not truly sorry.

So if your Santa Fe chicken sandwich and carrot cake from Veggie Grill don’t magically appear at your doorstep–assuming you’ve clearly expressed your needs–you know the true depths of his apology. Proceed accordingly.

Why would you want to be on the receiving end of someone who can’t deliver?

**Epilogue: GSM and I did finally end up going on a date. I didn’t completely write him off since he did Venmo me for delivery (not as impressive as accurately ordering specified items and having them delivered to my place, but I still consider this an effort to fix his mistake).

Although the chemistry was definitely lacking–maybe he should have worn those gray sweatpants–overall, we had a pleasant time. (Both our post-date texts expressed mutually cordial, “Thanks for the fun night, you’re great blah blah.” Thankfully, neither of us has reached out since). Beyond anything, I respect his ability to take accountability. If nothing else, his actions at least salvaged his reputation.**

Send This Text Two Hours Before Your Date to Get Her to Cancel

/ Korbi Kay / 1 Comment

Far too often, texts I receive from men are so cringe-worthy that I have to wonder, “Are you trying to be repulsively inappropriate, or does it just come naturally?”

I’m not easily offended, and have been told I have a dark sense of humor; I appreciate British cheekiness, as well as Joss Whedon prior to the allegations of him sucking as a human being.

We’ve all sent dumb texts that we later regret, especially myself.

But not to this extent of stupidity. And not two hours–yes, TWO hours, folks–prior to even meeting in person on our first date.

Horrific texts are especially noteworthy within the Orange County dating scene, which I’m relatively new to but still seasoned enough to recognize a difference from other demographics. Men here seem to be better mannered, more respectful of my time, and more excited about sharing delightful dinners.

This is not Los Angeles, where I somehow survived relatively unscathed after accidentally serial-dating for about a decade…and attempting to heal with just as much therapy/self-help/Reiki/getting my yoga certification/volunteering for the Suicide Hotline/I could go on.

I really didn’t mean to date for that duration. That’s the most-insane part: During those dark years, I actually wanted to find love.

So moving to the O.C. about 4-5 months ago, and serendipitously stumbling upon a crapton of potential suitors who seemed to want “something real” gave me hope. I even found myself in a relationship within my first month here. Sure, that ended after about six weeks, but at least our issues were drastically different than those I encountered in previous relationships. After L.A., finding even the slightest thread of boyfriend-material felt like a miracle. The short amount of time it took to find someone who could engage in conversation without making me want to punch myself in the face (at least not on the first few dates) inspired hope.

I had even more hope when I met a cool, collected Colombian chick during my employment as a Pilates instructor at Lifetime Fitness in Laguna Niguel (where if you don’t drive a Tesla: you’re poor, sad, and forever alone). After an hour of learning her life story and how she met her husband, she gave me the phone number of “a nice guy” who “just hasn’t been lucky in love”. I could definitely relate.

For anyone who avidly believes in meeting people organically, this anecdote is for you.

This was not a random meet-up from Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, nor any online app. This was finally an in-person, responsible referral, insider-trading type set-up: “Oh, I know him and he’s great!“

Wholesome. Pure. Organic.

Interestingly, the results were just as horrendous.

“I will wear gray sweatpants. Look for guy with 2”

Where do I start?

Again, I can’t over-emphasize the fact that this was not about being offensive so much as it was about not being funny. Why pick a 2″ boner–which is too unbelievable to be comical–instead of 4″ or 5″? Why underestimate yourself, but more importantly, why underestimate me?

Fortunately, I’ve developed a fool-proof dating technique–an easy test–to give faux pas-guilty felons like this a second chance.

GraySweatpantsMan (GSM) deserves the opportunity to fix his mistake. That’s what’s most important: not that GSM committed a hilarious social crime, but the way that he handles–ideally, addresses and fixes–his reputation rupture.

How effectively is he able to take accountability and move forward (if at all)?

Through grueling years of self-conducted case studies, I’ve perfected the most efficient way to determine whether your potential partner/lover/luster/side-piece/whatever is truly sorry.

My method is simple, free, requires little to no energy….and may result in dinner delivered to your doorstep.

Stay tuned.